Just don't fight it...

Over the past week, my life has forever changed.

Long story short:

My grandma passed away 4/17/12. My mom was out of town visiting her mom, so we (sister and me) forced my dad onto a plane to go be with his side of the family. Guess who got to be guardian of the 17 yr old? That'd be me! It wasn't really much of a "decision" to make. You just do what you need to do. That's all there is to it. But, I won't lie: having a 17 yr old at 24 is RIDICulous. So, that is part 1.

In the course of this week, I have been contacted about a job in Michigan. There are no promises and I could very well not be selected... but the possibility has popped up again. This opportunity opened up several months ago but quickly fell through. With good reason. I know now, if I had left then, I would have been running, desperately to remove myself from the confusion and pain of life. Several months later, it is here again. This time it is different: thought of going to MI actually excites me. Most people are fully aware Michigan is the last place I have wanted to move, but it has been something in which God has allowed time for me to adjust. I've looked at places to live, churches in the area and schools for my MBA... And I am excited! I may not go, but if I do, I have full peace knowing the Lord is my keeper.



All of this to say, life is different. Someone who was in my life, is no longer, and the daily enjoyment I currently experience might be flipped upside-down. This gets my gears turning. I am a thinker. I process through everything in an analytical fashion and as thoroughly as possible. Which means, the aforementioned changes have kept my brain going constantly.

Amongst the ruckus in my head, the Lord showed something to me today. I spend so much time trying to mold the existing "truth" into what He says is true. Rather, I would have a much more restful heart and glorifying life if I abandon all that I think is "true" and cling to only what is True. I keep trying to change and shape the way I see things in my head to align with His Word, when I should just be clearing out the entire mess and letting Truth settle in. My heart of stone has not been gradually changed into a heart of flesh, He just up and replaced it.



It seems so simple, and it is. Simple. Good. Not easy. But, I don't have to do it. He already has.


I want to stop trying to convince myself that He is Right even though what He says is different than what I have always "known.". In fact, if what I believe differs from what He says, I can pretty much guarantee, no matter how painful or gruesome it may be, I need to purge my notion and fully adopt His.

I'm not trying to fight it anymore. Sanctify me, oh Lord.