Moving

So, as usual... I am trying to revamp my method of processing.

http://whitneyschuster.wordpress.com/

Just don't fight it...

Over the past week, my life has forever changed.

Long story short:

My grandma passed away 4/17/12. My mom was out of town visiting her mom, so we (sister and me) forced my dad onto a plane to go be with his side of the family. Guess who got to be guardian of the 17 yr old? That'd be me! It wasn't really much of a "decision" to make. You just do what you need to do. That's all there is to it. But, I won't lie: having a 17 yr old at 24 is RIDICulous. So, that is part 1.

In the course of this week, I have been contacted about a job in Michigan. There are no promises and I could very well not be selected... but the possibility has popped up again. This opportunity opened up several months ago but quickly fell through. With good reason. I know now, if I had left then, I would have been running, desperately to remove myself from the confusion and pain of life. Several months later, it is here again. This time it is different: thought of going to MI actually excites me. Most people are fully aware Michigan is the last place I have wanted to move, but it has been something in which God has allowed time for me to adjust. I've looked at places to live, churches in the area and schools for my MBA... And I am excited! I may not go, but if I do, I have full peace knowing the Lord is my keeper.



All of this to say, life is different. Someone who was in my life, is no longer, and the daily enjoyment I currently experience might be flipped upside-down. This gets my gears turning. I am a thinker. I process through everything in an analytical fashion and as thoroughly as possible. Which means, the aforementioned changes have kept my brain going constantly.

Amongst the ruckus in my head, the Lord showed something to me today. I spend so much time trying to mold the existing "truth" into what He says is true. Rather, I would have a much more restful heart and glorifying life if I abandon all that I think is "true" and cling to only what is True. I keep trying to change and shape the way I see things in my head to align with His Word, when I should just be clearing out the entire mess and letting Truth settle in. My heart of stone has not been gradually changed into a heart of flesh, He just up and replaced it.



It seems so simple, and it is. Simple. Good. Not easy. But, I don't have to do it. He already has.


I want to stop trying to convince myself that He is Right even though what He says is different than what I have always "known.". In fact, if what I believe differs from what He says, I can pretty much guarantee, no matter how painful or gruesome it may be, I need to purge my notion and fully adopt His.

I'm not trying to fight it anymore. Sanctify me, oh Lord.

Dedicated Blogger Goes Back to School

Wow. It has been like exactly 9 months since I last blogged. Let's just pretend like I have been the most excellent blogger ever and my life is well chronicled. Great--now we can move forward.

Graduate school. I always had some inkling I would go to grad school, but after 4 rough undergraduate years, I anticipated it would be awhile before I got the itch. Apparently, I was mistaken! After 6 (*ahem* read 3) grueling weeks of working full time and spending every waking moment studying for the GMAT... I'm well on my way to starting school in this fall. I am going back to school to get my MBA.

Let's pause for a moment and talk about this. I find the many different reactions people have regarding MBAs intriguing. Those with higher education insist it is beneficial while those without undergraduate degrees from a 4-yr university find it trivial. I don't think there really is a right or wrong way to view an MBA. As long as your conclusion is determined by logical reasoning, I can respect any side. I just find it quite interesting to poll people from different backgrounds (aka--people in my workplace) to get their response on the matter.

My reasons for going back to school to get my MBA:

• My company will pay a good portion of my tuition
• I enjoy sleep deprivation and am masochistic
  
• Graduate School = Deferred undergrad loans = ZERO undergrad loans quicker!
  
• My 4 years of undergrad at UT were hard*
  
• I crave the intellectual stimulation

*Let's talk about the 4 years at UT. I loved college. Truly, I did. But it was rough ROUGH rough 4 years for me. Working 25 hours, in school full time, living with at least 3 other girls in close quarters, walking through the healing process of long-lived struggles, being active in a church and community, showering... It was 4 years of, not to be cliche... but, finding myself. I'll talk about that another time, but those 4 years were difficult and my previously perfect academic record was beaten into the ground.

I want to learn again--not "study" (*read* cramming as much information in my head to pass the test as possible) and purge information.

I want to participate in class because my intellect is challenged not because I am earning participation points.

So, I am going back to school.

Facebook-twitter-less.

Some unknown time ago, I deleted my Facebook and my Twitter account. (It's odd spell check makes you capitalize those...) I must say, other than one instance, I really don't notice a difference. My life goes on, just like it always has. Except now, no one can peer in without me knowing!

Hold on. Let's talk about this one instance:

I was leaving my parents' house in no-where-ville, Africa. (This was 2 days after I deleted said social networking tools) So there I am. Driving down the road. On a road I have driven a zillion times. Then, the notion settles in my head. "No one knows where I am or what I am doing." It was this oddly freeing thought! That little string of access that was always connected to me had been CUT! Anywhere I was, you could have reached me. But now... you have to have my phone number aaaaand catch me on the rare occasion it is powered on!

I stopped using Facebook consistently, bar stalking college friends of mine who were getting married/having babies, pretty much as soon as I returned from my trip to Europe. It wasn't this huge decision to stop using FB nor doI think it is bad... I just kind of quit. I lost interest. Meh. Messages to check. Pictures at which to look. Wall posts awaiting replies. Unwanted "friends" making requests. After awhile, it almost became more of an annoyance than anything else.

And now, I can drink my coffee, get speeding tickets, become friends with someone, join the mafia, become a ninja, like breast cancer awareness groups, poke someone, say "Happy Birthday" to anyone I want... and NO ONE CAN READ ABOUT IT!

(The exception, of course, lies only with my roommate. Who enjoys posting the funny [read: hilarious] things that I say all over her statuses.)

17

Maybe I am the only one in the world (ha), but I don't feel my age. I still feel like I am 17. I don't go around thinking about the years under my belt--I just never feel like I left 17. Granted, I am very aware that I have indeed moved past 17. I have made many choices, done many things since then. But somewhere inside, I am just 17.

This clashed with reality as 2 days ago my "little" sister turned 17. Whoa. It's odd to see myself in her some times then see someone completely different, unique and amazing in her other times. What a blessing to get to see her grow and change. I understand more everyday why adults always tell you to enjoy being a kid and stop itching to grow up so fast. I find myself feeling that about my sister as she is doing just that: growing up. Which is ironic, because I know people that are 5 years older than myself think the same thing about me. "Don't get married yet, you have plenty of time." "Don't rush X, Y and Z..."

I don't want to hurry through life. I want to enjoy where I am for the time I am there. And when it is time to move on, I will do so with peace regarding the past and anticipation for the future. If only my silly heart wasn't so quick to plan the next step... Oh, who am I kidding? I don't plan the next step, I try to solve the outcome before I begin the process. I want to take life slowly, a day at a time and truly learn what it means to be content with where God has me. He has hopes and dreams for me that are far greater than my own. I will cling to Him over anything else.

Oops.

Well, in an effort to revamp my blog and get my mind processing again... I accidentally deleted like 3 blog posts. This small hiccup only furthered my discouragement to write. But, now I'm over it. So I deleted like 2 months of important information, pfff.

So, in short:
1. I returned from Europe safe and sound.
2. I went from being a fake person (aka college student) --> being a real person (aka full time professional).
3. I have been working for almost 1 year.
4. I am applying for a new job within my company.

Up to date! Wow. That was way easy.

Aaaand I'm accomplished. It will not be a year before I post again. For my own sake. :)

A note from Germany before I leave...

Germany has this recycling program. It's actually quite brilliant if you think about it. When you buy a drink, they charge you around 20 cents to use the bottle. When you are done with the drink if you return your bottle to the counter, you get that 20 cents back.iF you don't, well then you just threw 20 cents away. It's clever. The only problem I have found: everywhere you go there are people digging through trashcans and/or harassing people holding empty bottles. It reminds me all too much of the dragrats, bar the terrible stench, in Austin. 

One other note... The trashcans here are complicated. There are like 4 bins at one trash area and you have to place your trash in the proper bin (paper in the paper bin, etc...). It makes throwing things away a little more complicated and I find myself hoarding my trash so that I can avoid the issue altogether. 

Well now you know...